If you recently paid your government $1 for the world’s largest copper mine, One Hyde Park provides the perfect home for your money. A marquee name for a marquee project. Developed by Candy and Candy, in association with Sheikh Hamad bin Jassim bin Jaber Al Thani of Qatar. Design work by Richard, Lord Rogers. Built by Laing O’Rourke with a collaborating loan from Eurohypo AG. One Hyde Park is bursting at the seams with well-appointed aeries for the discerning billionaire kleptocrat. Store your grafted lucre with them.
Pied-a-terres start at $10 million (U.S., of course). Units can be combined. Full service triplexes can be had for a mere $215,000,000.
At One Hyde Park More Zeroes = More Luxury
How much luxury home can you get for all those zeroes? There is a 213-foot-long mirrored corridor of glass and anodized aluminum. This is ample space to stack paper money. The mirrors will help you place pallets of cash. Padded silk carpeting is standard. The soft texture mutes the sound of cash bundles dropped on the ground. Genteel discretion is a hallmark of a Nicholas Candy production.
The living spaces feature dark European-oak floors. Custom Wenge cabinets in the kitchens. Bronze statues of your greatness in the common spaces. Ivory counter-tops hewn from the tusks of recently poached elephants. Marble encrusted ceilings are de rigeur. Slanted vertical slats on the windows limit your exposure to the masses. For the rare occasion when they will bring their protests to your doorstep.
Services at One Hyde Park
Minting your billions by looting your local national treasury is your forte. Now, you have upgraded to taking over the national oil company by fomenting crises to distract the gullible public. Congratulations! You are ready to live here.
One Hyde Park caters to the shrewd social climber. Your skills far exceed embezzling a few million. You have demonstrated elite prowess by extracting the wealth of nations. You belong to the one percent.
Arkady Gaydamak, Russian-Israeli oilman and financier, espouses the philosophy of the One Hyde Park buyer. “With all the regulations, the taxation, the legislation about working conditions, there is no way to make money,” he said. “It is only in countries like Russia, during the period of redistribution of wealth—and it is not yet finished—when you can get a result. . . . How can you make $50 million in France today? How?”
Understanding how and where to loot governments puts you in the same company as Arkady Gaydamak. As peers, you would make excellent neighbors. While they can guarantee services no one else can, One Hyde Park cannot guarantee Mr. Gaydamak’s residency. At the moment, he is battling” baseless” accusations of corruption from his home in Israel.
However, there are plenty of acceptable substitutes to guide your continued prosperity. The elevators are bustling with like-minded cohorts. You can exchange tips about the best practices for moving large sums of money around the globe.
Most residents are experienced with how to open the Jersey bank account. You know, the one required for funding the Bahamian trust that owns a company headquartered on the Isle of Man with registration in the British Virgin Islands. From B.V.I, you can set up a Bermuda holding company that processes mail in Guernsey. What for? To forward checks from a Swiss bank account managed by an American lawyer with offices at Ugland House in the Cayman Islands. He will then pay your water bill in London.
One Hyde Park doesn’t just understand your needs. The management caters to them. They will help you fight transparency and preserve opacity. You do your best work in the unplumbed shadows where politicians meet lawyers to misappropriate commodities. No light of day need ever touch your balance sheet. They ensure your assets are hidden behind arcane and byzantine corporate structures.
This is complementary and part of your concierge services. Access to world class airports, tax avoidance strategies, sophisticated money laundering: only One Hyde Park offers this triple play package in Central London.
If you desire to live with your money, One Hyde Park takes your personal safety to heart. Each apartment offers discreet, personal panic rooms. All mail delivery passes through x-ray scanners. The guards are former British Special Forces with extensive combat experience. Bulletproof glass deflects unwanted gun play.
So come to London. Exploit its status as the world’s money capital. If you thought billionaires flocked here for cosmopolitan living, you are misinformed.
Your assets will remain parked in one of the most luxurious homes in the world. One Hyde Park provides the perfect blend of discretion and opacity to cool down hot money.
After a hard day of fleecing countries, don’t you want to be sure that you have invested in the best protection for your portfolio?